I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
