"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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