Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
