I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I puked a lego.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
