I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
