just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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