I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
