Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
