Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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