Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
