shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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