I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
