Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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