we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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