Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
