I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
