On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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