i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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