i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
