So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
