He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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