You work out of a Hotel?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
