That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
