apparently the secret to your success is patron
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
