so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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