Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
