All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
