My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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