I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
