i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
