i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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