I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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