I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
