I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
