Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
