Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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