So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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