i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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