she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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