You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
