He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
