shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
