Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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