its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
