worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
