I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were trust falling into bushes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize