drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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