Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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