2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
