We got so high we made milksteak
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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