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Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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