By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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