You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
