The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
