I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sobbing to NWA
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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