I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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