Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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