considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
