well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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