Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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