Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
