she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
