Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
