Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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