Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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