The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
