They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
