Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
