i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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