My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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