I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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