Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
