There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
