this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
