just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
