respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
