I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His nipple licking is glorious
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